His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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