I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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