I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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