that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
