He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
