I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
