Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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