I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
