I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
