Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
