He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
