How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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