you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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