I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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