My friends, they love my intelligence
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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