she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
