I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
