you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
