If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
