Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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