By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
