Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize