I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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