i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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