i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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