I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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