found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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