I think I died a long time ago.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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