strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize