So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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