Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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