Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
