so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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