To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize