This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
