i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
