Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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