So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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