We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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