Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
