It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
