Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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