Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You can't special order awesome
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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