I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
