remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
