His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
