There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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