She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
