i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
