I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
