I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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