Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
