Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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