The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
