My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
