and you said cock pushups were impossible
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
