6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
