Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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