I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
