Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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