Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
